Once there was a boy who lived on a farm. Every day he had to take his father’s sheep to a hill. One day he tried to play a trick on the other people. He said to himself. I will call “wolf. wolf.” then everyone come to help me. It will be fun when they find out there is no wolf after all. So he cried: “wolf .wolf.” and everyone ran to help him. When they came he just said: “there is no wolf. It was only a joke.” He did this three times. Then one day a wolf really came. “Help! Help! The wolf is here.” called the boy. But everyone said: “No you know that there is no wolf. He is just calling us for fun. There is no danger.” So they did not go to help the boy. The wolf killed all the sheep then.
于是，他们没有去帮助那个男孩子。狼便把所有的羊都咬死了。 1970-01-01 08:00:00
Stan: I won 92 goldfish.
Fred: Where are you going to keep them?
Stan: In the bathroom 。
Fred: But what will you do when you want to take a bath?
Stan: Blindfold them!
斯丹：我赢了 92 条金鱼。
2.Whose Father Was the Stronger
Will and Bill were quarrelling about whose father was the stronger. Will said, “Well, you know the Pacific Ocean ? My father's the one who dug the hole for it.”
Bill wasn't impressed, “Well, that's nothing. You know the Dead Sea ? My father's the one who killed it!”
威尔和比尔在为谁的父亲更强壮而争吵。威尔说： “ 喏，你知道太平洋吗？就是我爸爸为它挖的洞。 ”
比尔不屑一顾： “ 噢，那没什么。你知道死海吗？那是我爸爸杀死的。 ”
3.I Need Your Football
George knocked on the door of his friend's house. When his friend's mother answered he asked, “can Albert come out to play? ”
“ No,” said the mother, “it's too cold. ”
“ Well, then, ” said George, “ can his football come out to play ? ”
“ 不行， ” 那位妈妈说， “ 天气太冷了。 ”
“ 噢，那么， ” 乔冶， “ 他的足球可以出来玩吗？ ”
4.Send the Bill to My Father
Doctor： 〃I can do nothing for your complaint. It is hereditary.〃
Patient： 〃then send the bill to my father，please.〃
A young business man had just started his business, and rented a beautiful office. Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear busy, the businessman picked up the phone and pretended that he had a big deal working. He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments.
Finally, he hung up and asked the visitor. "Can I help you?" The man said, "Sure. I've come to install the phone."
6. whats puberty(青春期) One evening, in the midst of dinner preparation, our 10-year-old daughter asked, "Mommy, what's puberty?" My wife was rushed at the moment, so she suggested that Peggy look up the word in the dictionary, after which they could talk about it.
A few minutes later, Peggy returned. Her mother asked what the dictionary had said. "Puberty means," announced Peggy, "the earliest age at which a girl is able to bear children."
"What do you think of that?" my wife asked.
"I'm not sure," Peggy relied. "I've always been able to bear children. It's adults I can't bear.".
Note: bear children: 生孩子。bear 一词也可作“忍受”讲。
The teacher told the class the story of a man who swam a river three times before breakfast.
"Do you doubt that a good swimmer could do that?" asked the teacher.
"No, sir," answered Johnny, "but I wonder why he did not swim it four times and get back to the side where his clothes were."
A Kentucky teacher was quizzing her students. "Johnny, who signed the Declaration of Independence?"
He said, "Damn if I know."
She was a little put out(激怒) by his swearing, so she told him to go home and to bring his father with him when he came back.
Next day, the father came with his son, sat in the back of the room to observe.
She started back in on her quiz and finally got back to the boy. "Now, Johnny, I'll ask you again. Who signed the Declaration of Independence?"
"Well, hell, teacher," Johnny said, "I told you I didn't know."
The father jumped up in the back, pointed a stern finger at his son, and said, "Johnny, if you signed that damn thing, hell, you damn well better admit it!"
9.Why he couldn't leave?
There was a meeting with a large number of people. At first the speaker was very interesting, but as time went on, he became very boring. Finally when he was through, there was only one man sitting in the large room.
The speaker walked up to the man and said, "Thank you for hearing me out when all the others left the room."
"Oh! Don't mention it!" replied the man, "I cannot leave because I am the next speaker."
Dan was the doorman of a club in a big city. Everyday, thousands of people passed his door, and a lot of them stopped and asked him, "What's the time, please?"
After a few months, Dan said to himself, "I'm not going to answer all those stupid people any more. I'm going to buy a big clock and put it upon the wall here." Then he did so.
"Now people aren't going to stop and ask me the time," he thought happily. But after that, a lot of people stopped, looked at the clock and then asked Dan, "Is that clock right?"
参考资料：http://xhei.com 1970-01-01 08:00:00